Friday, June 11, 2010

"Father’s Day” or “Fatherless Day” Which will it be?

Fathers are getting mixed messages. From the President Obama to social scientists we hear that lack of involvement of fathers leaves kids at high risk for truancy, drug/alcohol abuse, early sexual activity, delinquency, gang involvement, etc. Yet, when divorced/never-married fathers seek meaningful contact with their kids, the best they can hope for is a few hours one night per week and maybe a weekend or two per month. Thus, one segment of society tells fathers they are needed and another segment denies them meaningful relationships (i.e. time) with their children. Why this disconnect? I blame the stereotype of men/fathers portrayed as narcissistic buffoons, subpar parents and incapable of childcare or child-rearing. We see this stereotype perpetuated in the media (The Simpsons, Family Guy, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc) and is even seen in our schools and in our churches. Pay attention to how the pastors will honor mothers on Mother's Day but berate Fathers on Fathers Day for their ineptitude in a multitude of responsibilities. This mindset affects matrimonial law and the courts. Yet, when I travel the suburbs of Chicago, I see Dads with kids, highly involved and parenting in meaningful but disparate ways when compared to the maternal counterparts. Ultimately, this stereotype finds its way into matrimonial and family law and thus into the courts. The result in Illinois family courts is that divorced/never-married fathers face an expensive uphill battle for time with their children against the traditional minimal visitation time but mothers usually have little trouble getting burdensome child support assessed against fathers and having garnishments levied against Dad's paycheck. The message from courts is: a relationship with Dad is optional but child support is not! Are dads more than a checkbook? I think so. If this concerns you this Father’s Day, I invite you to visit one of the following organizations’ websites and consider getting involved:
1) Illinois Fathers http://www.IllinoisFathers.org
2) American Coalition of Fathers and Children http://www.acfc.org
3) The Children's Rights Council of Illinois http://www.equalparentingillinois.org