My problem is I keep thinking life is going to be fair
During 2-a-day practices in the hot days of August in Arkansas, we'd be running grass drills and generally wishing we were dead - then my college football coach would yell at us: "Its hard but its fair - if you had a good home ya shoulda stayed there!". Sometimes he'd abbreviate it and just say: "Its hard but its fair, men - hard but fair!"
Maybe this supported my already slanted view of the world instilled in me by my parents - that life was supposed to be fair. And, ever since, I continue to expect fairness, fair play, even dealing, especially with our government and our courts. After all, we're the best there is in the world, right? Well, I am consistently disappointed.
My family court appearance yesterday, was another example. My previous (3rd so far) attorney had mistakenly entered an "Agreed Order" which was intended to increase my child support (yet again). I had reveiwed the financial plan (FinPlan in atty-speak) but had not approved an increase - yet. My atty entered the order without my permission, saying: "its 28% of your after tax income and that's just what it is. There is no need to contest this." (Note to the ill-informed: I have 2 children by my previous marriage and in IL, the "Guidelines" say if you have 2 kids, the court will apply a guideline of 28% of net income. According to IL code, these are clearly guidelines but the courts use the term "statutory minimal guidelines". I have read the statutes several times and have never seen this phrase used. Its atty speak for how they decide to apply the guidelines, I guess.) Well, I had a few other matters to negotiate and did not want to give away the farm (or increase) just yet. So, I go into court yesterday with a motion to vacate the "Agreed Order" with my new atty (4th one since divorce proceedings started) contending that I had not agreed to the order and thus it could not be an "Agreed Order". Basically, I was read the riot act by the judge, who decided to threaten me with jail time (actually, this does not bother me at all, but would be a nice break from my life at this point) and fines (that double every day until they are paid) and my ex's attorney's fees, etc. All sorts and manners of issues were discussed for the 3 hours I was in court yesterday that neither I nor my new atty were prepared to discuss - and there was never a ruling on the motion to vacate the "Agreed Order". I am left with the impression that I was verbally punished for exercising my right to Due Process.
So what were the "other issues" discusse? Evidently, my ex wants 28% of income FROM ALL SOURCES - not just my primary job. I am in the Army Reserve and she wants 28% of that income as well. And, this goes back retroactive to 2003. By the way, at the time of the divorce decree she already had been granted 60% of my retirement from the Army Reserve when I hit age 60 - when I am eligible to collect. We were married for only 11 years of my service and I have not hit my 20 year mark yet but she gets 60% at retirement. By the same logic, if we had been married for all 20 years of my service, she would get it all. Right?
Evidently the judge believes I erred in my judgement by placing 100% of my Army Reserve income in a 529 College Savings plan for our 2 children. Good job, Mr. ILDAD. Way to put your children first. But, Mr. ILDAD, you also owe there mother 28% in addition to the 100% of military income you gifted your children for the college savings plan.
Now before anyone reading this begins to think I am a deadbeat who does not take care of his children, keep this in mind. I pay nearly 20K per year in after tax income for the "child support" of my kids. I pay for their health insurance, I save thousands per year in a college savings plan, I insure my life for $350,000 with my children as sole beneficiaries. In addition, my children spend approx. 35-40% of their time in my care and, if course, this is not cheap. But, I guess, the courts in Illinois think this is not enough. My ex, on the other hand, is re-married has a nice house (much nicer than mine), is not significanlty employed (despite a Master's degree and teaching certificate), takes the kids on very nice vacations (Carribean island vacations, cruises, etc.) while I take them to my parents' house in SC every summer. In short, she has a much nicer lifestyle - mostly at my expense, and nicer than I can afford for myself. Oh, and there's another hitch. My children have two step-brothers who live with them at their mom's house. My ex's husband has custody and guess how much he gets in Child Support for his two sons? None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I guess in Illinois you only pay Child Support if you are male. Of course, my thinking is that I really am supporting his kids also.
Well, I am down to my last option and I would like anyone reading this to give me their opinion. The last option at this point is to say to my ex: Fine. You want 28% of my military pay too, I'll pay what I am told to by the courts - retroactive to 2003. But, then, I quit. It ain't worth it. I would simply stop my creditable service to the Army Reserves at 18.5 years. I am on a voluntary indefinite status right now anyway. So, I can just quit. Yes, I know its just shy of attaining the 20 years that will make me eligible for retirement. I guess my logic is: what's the point? The government collects around 35% in taxes and witholdings and my ex gets 28%, I get to keep the remaining 37%. Thanks, but no thanks. I think at this stage in my life I could do with the extra time to spend with my kids and forego the added income. Plus, nowadays, there is the constant threat of deployment looming over my head. (I'm a veteran of Desert Storm, I don't care to go back to Iraq.). But here's the catch. If I quit my Reserve service, she gets no retirement either. I also get no retirement but again, if she is getting 60% when I turn 60 and the govt gets another 35% is it really worth my weekends and 2 -3 weeks of active duty in the summer? I really am starting to think its a zero sum game. At some point, one has to weigh the value of their time, quality of their own life and what benefit they are gaining by continuing on in the service. I love my country (despite what it has put me through since being divorced). I am proud to serve. I love my colleagues in the Reserves. However, I think at this point, my time is more valuable to me and to my family than the minimal compensation that I would be able to keep after witholdings and 28% is paid to my ex in "child support".
I'll post more later but I welcome comments - good and bad.
Maybe this supported my already slanted view of the world instilled in me by my parents - that life was supposed to be fair. And, ever since, I continue to expect fairness, fair play, even dealing, especially with our government and our courts. After all, we're the best there is in the world, right? Well, I am consistently disappointed.
My family court appearance yesterday, was another example. My previous (3rd so far) attorney had mistakenly entered an "Agreed Order" which was intended to increase my child support (yet again). I had reveiwed the financial plan (FinPlan in atty-speak) but had not approved an increase - yet. My atty entered the order without my permission, saying: "its 28% of your after tax income and that's just what it is. There is no need to contest this." (Note to the ill-informed: I have 2 children by my previous marriage and in IL, the "Guidelines" say if you have 2 kids, the court will apply a guideline of 28% of net income. According to IL code, these are clearly guidelines but the courts use the term "statutory minimal guidelines". I have read the statutes several times and have never seen this phrase used. Its atty speak for how they decide to apply the guidelines, I guess.) Well, I had a few other matters to negotiate and did not want to give away the farm (or increase) just yet. So, I go into court yesterday with a motion to vacate the "Agreed Order" with my new atty (4th one since divorce proceedings started) contending that I had not agreed to the order and thus it could not be an "Agreed Order". Basically, I was read the riot act by the judge, who decided to threaten me with jail time (actually, this does not bother me at all, but would be a nice break from my life at this point) and fines (that double every day until they are paid) and my ex's attorney's fees, etc. All sorts and manners of issues were discussed for the 3 hours I was in court yesterday that neither I nor my new atty were prepared to discuss - and there was never a ruling on the motion to vacate the "Agreed Order". I am left with the impression that I was verbally punished for exercising my right to Due Process.
So what were the "other issues" discusse? Evidently, my ex wants 28% of income FROM ALL SOURCES - not just my primary job. I am in the Army Reserve and she wants 28% of that income as well. And, this goes back retroactive to 2003. By the way, at the time of the divorce decree she already had been granted 60% of my retirement from the Army Reserve when I hit age 60 - when I am eligible to collect. We were married for only 11 years of my service and I have not hit my 20 year mark yet but she gets 60% at retirement. By the same logic, if we had been married for all 20 years of my service, she would get it all. Right?
Evidently the judge believes I erred in my judgement by placing 100% of my Army Reserve income in a 529 College Savings plan for our 2 children. Good job, Mr. ILDAD. Way to put your children first. But, Mr. ILDAD, you also owe there mother 28% in addition to the 100% of military income you gifted your children for the college savings plan.
Now before anyone reading this begins to think I am a deadbeat who does not take care of his children, keep this in mind. I pay nearly 20K per year in after tax income for the "child support" of my kids. I pay for their health insurance, I save thousands per year in a college savings plan, I insure my life for $350,000 with my children as sole beneficiaries. In addition, my children spend approx. 35-40% of their time in my care and, if course, this is not cheap. But, I guess, the courts in Illinois think this is not enough. My ex, on the other hand, is re-married has a nice house (much nicer than mine), is not significanlty employed (despite a Master's degree and teaching certificate), takes the kids on very nice vacations (Carribean island vacations, cruises, etc.) while I take them to my parents' house in SC every summer. In short, she has a much nicer lifestyle - mostly at my expense, and nicer than I can afford for myself. Oh, and there's another hitch. My children have two step-brothers who live with them at their mom's house. My ex's husband has custody and guess how much he gets in Child Support for his two sons? None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I guess in Illinois you only pay Child Support if you are male. Of course, my thinking is that I really am supporting his kids also.
Well, I am down to my last option and I would like anyone reading this to give me their opinion. The last option at this point is to say to my ex: Fine. You want 28% of my military pay too, I'll pay what I am told to by the courts - retroactive to 2003. But, then, I quit. It ain't worth it. I would simply stop my creditable service to the Army Reserves at 18.5 years. I am on a voluntary indefinite status right now anyway. So, I can just quit. Yes, I know its just shy of attaining the 20 years that will make me eligible for retirement. I guess my logic is: what's the point? The government collects around 35% in taxes and witholdings and my ex gets 28%, I get to keep the remaining 37%. Thanks, but no thanks. I think at this stage in my life I could do with the extra time to spend with my kids and forego the added income. Plus, nowadays, there is the constant threat of deployment looming over my head. (I'm a veteran of Desert Storm, I don't care to go back to Iraq.). But here's the catch. If I quit my Reserve service, she gets no retirement either. I also get no retirement but again, if she is getting 60% when I turn 60 and the govt gets another 35% is it really worth my weekends and 2 -3 weeks of active duty in the summer? I really am starting to think its a zero sum game. At some point, one has to weigh the value of their time, quality of their own life and what benefit they are gaining by continuing on in the service. I love my country (despite what it has put me through since being divorced). I am proud to serve. I love my colleagues in the Reserves. However, I think at this point, my time is more valuable to me and to my family than the minimal compensation that I would be able to keep after witholdings and 28% is paid to my ex in "child support".
I'll post more later but I welcome comments - good and bad.
posted by ILDAD at 6:23 AM
6 Comments:
Hey,
I'm so sorry for you. I went through this shit 10 years ago. Simply-the system is corrupt and the corruption is hidden.
I bet you didn't know how corrupt it was before you entered their circus. Does it make you sorry that you ever defended this country. If not, wait..it just gets worse.
Dr H.O. Potamus
Congrats on being my first comment posted. I am new to this game, so its nice to know some one is reading. You're understanding is also appreciate and timing is perfect since I just walked in the door from the courtroom. I'll post more on that later but so far you are right...it's getting worse. What harassment! And, I really am having some second thoughts about the country. I love the constitution that I am sworn to defend but I swear the courts and their judges take similar oaths and then just trample all over it...
God Bless you! I am trying to help a neighbor go through the same situation. I just moved to IL from Florida and had the pleasure of knowing his wife (still not divorced after a year of paying for all her bills) after being enlighted to her pathelogical lying and schemes, I turned to try to help him. Everytime we step forward, he gets pushed back. He honestly said he'd quit his job and go to college. I noticed that in your blog too. I am trying to get him to take the kids, prove her unfit (she's absolutely crazy! and I've known a lot of nuts in my 41yrs on this earth). Good luck with your adventure. I can't imagine the post from hippo that it could even get anyworse than this but I guess it probably does.
Lin
Lin: Tell your friend to hang in there. The only good news is he does not have to live with the nutcase anymore but the bad news his kids do. I have so much advice to give it would take up too much time here but if he wants to contact me, have him do it through this website. I am thinking about starting an Illinois chapter of American Coalition for Fathers and Children so that we can get legislative relief from the oppression in the courts.
ILDAD,
Trust me, I know the crap you are going through.
BTW, the illinois law states that I get to pay 27% of my paycheck for one child whom I have never met.
I moved out of state... started a new job under a different name.
Sorry you can't do that.
When I was on unemployment, the state took every dime of my paycheck for 6 months...
Did I mention, I have 4 kids at home that I support? Do you think the state even cared?
I have a high school diploma, the mother has a Master... doesn't matter.
The state then decided it could use my 401K retirement for an ATM. I have since removed any security from my name.
The system is so slanted the only way I can deal with it, is to play Harvey the rabbit and run away.
I have seen the States Attorney, bald face lie in court. Do you think the judge even raised an eye brow?
It's all BULLSHIT and it is only going to get worse.
Personally, I suggest you start a big offense, find a doctor to claim that she is insane, and inept.
I know it is brutal however, you are playing with a system that would just love for you to pay more shrinks and lawyers.
Good Luck, keep us informed.
Man, you are scaring me. I guess I am starting to believe it can always get worse.
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