Patience runs low
Well, true to form, my ex gave me the big cold shoulder on Thursday. It took a whole 9 days to deliberate on several proposals I proffered only to tell me "no". No. That's all. Not "no" specifically to any particular aspect, just "no".
I have to admit that just listening to my attempts to propose settlement of all outstanding issues was quite a huge leap forward to her, even if the result was the same as if I had not done so at all. Here is what I proposed:
1. First, I paid her a check for all of "owed" 2003 military income. I know this is just a windfall to her, that the kids will see none of it but I thought it would show some good will on my part.
2. I offered to pay her for 2004 military income but asked her to not lay claim to future military income - that, in effect, the $828.00 in after tax income that I pay her every 2 weeks would be sufficient for the children's support (that's nearly 22K per year).
3. If she would agree to stipulation #2, I would place 100% of military income into the children's college savings account.
4. That I receive the income tax exemptions for my children.
5. That we work out some sort of agreement that gives me more time with the children (in effect, reducing her "costs" for their care even further)and allowing me more time with them (benefits them, me, and her).
To all of this and after about 45 minutes or an hour of listening to me she waited 9 dasys, she just says "no". And, she wants me to pay her attorney's fees. I said I thought that was extortion. In effect, she is saying give me what I want with no questions asked or I will try and make you pay my attorney's fees.
I have tried to remain calm, rational and reasonable. I have achieved this in recent months but admittedly not always in the past. My goal has been to keep my Christian outlook and demeanor while standing firm on my prinicipals. But, that approach (along with all others I have tried thus far)is thus far not working.
The other sad part about all of this is that when we left the court last time the judge gave us both a stern warning that we needed to work out our differences and that if these came back before him again, neither of us would be happy with the outcome. I made an honest effort only to be rebuffed - but do you think that will be considered or even be allowed to be considered by the judge? Not likely. Her refusal to negotiate will be seen as "our" refusal to negotiate. How frustrating.
I have to admit that just listening to my attempts to propose settlement of all outstanding issues was quite a huge leap forward to her, even if the result was the same as if I had not done so at all. Here is what I proposed:
1. First, I paid her a check for all of "owed" 2003 military income. I know this is just a windfall to her, that the kids will see none of it but I thought it would show some good will on my part.
2. I offered to pay her for 2004 military income but asked her to not lay claim to future military income - that, in effect, the $828.00 in after tax income that I pay her every 2 weeks would be sufficient for the children's support (that's nearly 22K per year).
3. If she would agree to stipulation #2, I would place 100% of military income into the children's college savings account.
4. That I receive the income tax exemptions for my children.
5. That we work out some sort of agreement that gives me more time with the children (in effect, reducing her "costs" for their care even further)and allowing me more time with them (benefits them, me, and her).
To all of this and after about 45 minutes or an hour of listening to me she waited 9 dasys, she just says "no". And, she wants me to pay her attorney's fees. I said I thought that was extortion. In effect, she is saying give me what I want with no questions asked or I will try and make you pay my attorney's fees.
I have tried to remain calm, rational and reasonable. I have achieved this in recent months but admittedly not always in the past. My goal has been to keep my Christian outlook and demeanor while standing firm on my prinicipals. But, that approach (along with all others I have tried thus far)is thus far not working.
The other sad part about all of this is that when we left the court last time the judge gave us both a stern warning that we needed to work out our differences and that if these came back before him again, neither of us would be happy with the outcome. I made an honest effort only to be rebuffed - but do you think that will be considered or even be allowed to be considered by the judge? Not likely. Her refusal to negotiate will be seen as "our" refusal to negotiate. How frustrating.
posted by ILDAD at 8:42 AM
2 Comments:
The sooner you learn, "the best intrest of the children" means one thing.... Money... it is all about the money.
One States Attorney told me he did not care if the child was dead... I still owe the money.
It's not about visitation, plain and simple, there is no money in visitation.
The States Attorney is graded on how much money they can get. Sit in on others in court... you will see, if you are unemployed and unemployable, child support will be $10-$50 dollars a week.
Your problem is you have a track record of actually being employed, this can and will be used against you.
Thanks for the heads-up. I have thought of fleeing the system but for the sake of my kids who are innocent bystanders in this whole affair, I will pay-up and stay involved. I realize I am up the creek with no paddle in the courts. So, I am taking this to the legislature, hopefully in mass within a couple of years. I hope you will have your friends, relatives, etc. do the same. We have to let people know what this system is doing to people.
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